Lose to Win

When I first heard Fantasia's song, "Lose to win", I didn't know what to make of it. I had to listen to the words several times in order for the lyrics to truly sink in. She used words like, "ugly", "sick", and "scared". Of course, Fantasia was singing about finding herself after being in a dark place. You know, when a creative's art imitates life, it shows up in her music, poetry, novels, dance, movement, and spirit. And sometimes she has to give up everything in order to regain her peace of mind.

Now, those who truly know me, know that I have struggled with low self-esteem, self-awareness, and self-love. Today, I may seem all buttoned-up, but it took me a moment to get here...and it takes daily work to stay here...HERE, in a state of mental clarity...HERE, where I am the number one priority...HERE, where I keep the life vest for myself! You see, there was a time when I actually agreed with the same people who tried to plant seeds of doubt in my mind. I laughed at hurtful jokes that were at my expense and I allowed people to treat me as if I wasn't worthy of my blessings. But this way of being almost cost me my life. I started to have panic attacks at work, total meltdowns on phone calls with my friends, and weekend binges with my favorite bottles of wine. I was spiraling out of control and doing things that were totally out of my character. But, when I adapted the attitude of "losing to win", I finally found my strength and tenacity to be the woman I was born to be.

Now, I am not saying that I got it all together now nor am I saying that self-doubt doesn't still creep up. What I am saying is that "winning" at anything is a personal commitment. I am different now because I am committed to living my life unapologetically. I am indifferent to losing things and people that aren't good for me. I guess you can say that I am "Grown- Grown" (lol) and I am now willing to lose to win a meaningful life.